Part One: I Can Never Catch Up

I think if I could have an entire year in which, except for the passage of the year itself, time didn’t move—ignore the paradox, just let your imagination make it work—maybe then I could catch up on everything.

I’m annoyed that it’s January 15 and I haven’t finished my end-of-2017 posts. I did finally manage to post the “best of” list, just a few days ago. And I wrote one review of a book I read in December. That’s it for 2018 so far. A month ago I wrote that I had 72 drafts waiting in my blog queue, some of which have been there for years; as of today I have 82, and that post from a month ago is still one of them.

A huge part of my problem is that if I have a sort of neverending to-do list in my head, it’s also constantly growing, so even if I check something off I’ve still fallen behind while doing it. This is always manifest in my reading struggles; I can never stop getting caught up in pressure to read certain things, because they’re all things I really want to read, but there are so many other factors involved.

 

One Comment Add yours

  1. Jan Hicks says:

    That sounds like anxiety to me, and has made me reflect on how different I feel now compared with a year ago. The things you say in the context of reading and blogging, I was like that about work until I started accepting that I can’t do everything, the expectation that I should be able to is mine alone, and saying no from time to time doesn’t end in disaster. I’m not typically a fan of things like yoga or mindfulness meditation, but they have helped a lot over the past four months. I also realised that my habit of chain reading was down to the stress I was under caring for my mum, a way of removing myself from reality. Now, I’m all about doing things that please me rather than oblige me. I’m happier than I have been in a long time. I think that the pauses I dip into during the times I feel stressed are my version of your year of time standing still.

    Liked by 1 person

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